Motherhood : The First Year
This past year has been a whirlwind of a year, if there ever was a year that kept me on my toes it was this year and honestly I feel like every new year of motherhood will do just that.
I have to let you guys in on a little secret, I feel like a bad mom about 85% of the time. I legit feel like I should be doing things a lot better than I do. I mean I wanted this for years. And let me tell you when it is your kid it is totally different, there are no take backs, there is no time on the toilet by yourself and there is rarely the adult conversation.
I have to give many, many thanks to my and Eric's family, the women who have helped me tremendously this year have honestly been my saving grace. I can't thank you guys enough.
Here are a few mom tips and words of advice.
Give yourself grace
Be kind to yourself. There were a lot of times this year that I beat myself up about things that aren't ever going to be perfect. J will throw a fit in the worst of times, he will try to get out of the shopping basket every. single. trip to the grocery store. He will throw his bottle out of his car seat, his pacifier will go flying out of his stroller at the mall, and he will get my makeup all over his clothes. He will unintentionally hit me in the face with his toy hammer and I will chunk it across the room.
And when a lot of these things first started happening I was like what am I doing wrong here, why isn't anything with J going right [I'm over exaggerating because J is pretty amazing a lot of the time].
I literally would just stay home until someone volunteered to watch him. I have had days where I questioned if I was a good mom, days when I wondered if this was why it took so long for us to have our own and days when I literally hated Eric for not being me or in my place.
But you have to understand that sometimes it takes time to get everything in to order, you have to learn ways to do grocery shopping, ways to keep him occupied, ways to change his diaper in the car while on your lap because changing tables are gross.
There is a learning curve and you'll figure it out, eventually.
Take a breather
Give yourself time to adjust, take moments throughout the day whether it is during nap time, or dad time and give yourself a break. I always like those few moments in the car while he is asleep that I just breath. I gather my thoughts, I cry, I take a selfie, I ask for forgiveness, I sing to myself. I love being J's mom I will never say otherwise but there are times when I'm at my wits end and I have no clue what to do with myself, or what I've gotten myself into.
You know when it came down to it J was legit a miracle, I honestly wondered if we ever were going to have kids or if I should just get another doggie. And hope for the best. So being thankful and happy that we have him especially when so many are still struggling for their little miracles.
But I also am just thankful because J is the best thing to happen to us, he has made us better parents, people, friends, family, and he has made us fight for things we may have given up on.
I'm so, so thankful that J is happy, healthy, has the greatest laugh, loves his momma [some moments not so much], he dances with me, he cuddles, he loves his daddy, he is our own little miracle. I'm just so thankful for him.
Surround yourself with good people
this isn't only a #momlife tip but a #reallife tip, keep yourself around good people in general, uplifting, inspiring, encouraging, optimistic, doing good shit with their life people. When I look back on my life, it took twist and turns around the people I kept in my life, this includes the people you follow on social media.
I have found that being around those people who are constantly saying things about other people can rub off on you and more than likely if they talk about others to you they are doing the same to you to other people. Don't get me wrong I'm on occasion by fault one of those people but I've done my best to try to see the good in the bad.
So try to not keep that kind of company as much as possible. The more you focus on you the happier you will be. Trust me, trial and error here.
Be very aware of who you follow on social media as well the wrong people can have a huge effect on how you view things even if you don't feel like any of that changes your mind or attitude. It totally does.
You can only change the things you have control over.
I can tell you that there are a lot of times that you can't control things with a baby, you can't control when they go down for naps. You can't control when they decide it is time to eat, poop or pee. But you can prepare for it. It literally has taken this entire year to get adjusted to having a new baby in our lives, bills get paid late, plans get changed and things don't ever work out the way I want them to. I have learned to take it in stride, because if you don't you will seriously lose your shit. I have lost my shit so many times and it is so hard to either not regret the things you say or actions you make based off of it. Plus no one wants to be the mom losing their shit in public, no one.
It is tough and your baby isn't going to be like everyone else's baby and there are things you are going to have to learn from trial and error but understand that and don't be so hard on yourself about it when it doesn't happen. Motherhood is one of the toughest most rewarding jobs you'll ever have in life but there will be times when you will feel like it is just the worst.
Give yourself time to adjust. No mom will ever tell you that they had their shit together on day one or day 3,567 for that matter, if they do they are lying and you don't need those kind of people in your life. Bye Felicia.