I almost quit blogging.

white florals | I almost quit blogging

The Burnout

I recently starting thinking long and hard about quitting the entire blogging and social media thing because I was having a hard time coming up with content and time to actually do it all.

I know a lot of the time blogging and social media just looks like a bunch of girls in pre-planned perfect pretty outfits with all the time in the world and husbands who take their photographs.

And while there is a lot of planning and prepping behind the scenes it isn’t always pretty.

And those IG husbands, aren’t the norm for all of us.

A few months ago, I lost my dog and it made me start re-thinking a lot of things.  He meant a lot to me and I just realized how much time I didn't spend with him before he was gone because I was too busy during nap time trying to film a makeup video, or photograph an outfit.

I started feeling like I am wasting my time trying to be something I am not.  

We fought long and hard to have J and for me to not spend time with him or get frustrated at him because I don't have a blog post fully prepped isn't what I wanted my life as his mom to be. 

On top of all of that E doesn't get the blogging thing and I don't think he ever will.  And honestly I am exhausted trying to make him understand.

I have spent thousands of dollars on my "passions" and most don't even exist anymore.

When you start to wonder "what am I even doing anymore?" It is time to re-evaluate, refocus, move on or start over and it is time for me to do a little of everything.

I have met a few great people during this entire process, and I have learned a lot too.  I am entirely grateful for all of the years I have blogged, but finding where I fit here in the blogging world left me realizing that I don't.  

I don't want the brand deals, I don't want the millions of followers, and I don't want to make money off of affiliate links. I don't want to push a product I am not even passionate about because it puts a few dollars in my bank account.  

I don't want to feel bad about doing things I want/need to do for myself or my family and not having a blog post ready for the next day or week or months. 

I was blogging because I loved it, I loved writing the things I felt, sharing the experiences I had, then it all changed but I still had friends reaching out to me about things that I wasn’t blogging about but just posting on my stories, like mom life.

Then I stopped loving it. 

I loved a lot of things about blogging mostly because it was my space to say what I wanted and not really have to worry about other’s opinions then somewhere, something changed.  I cared, I changed what I was writing because of what one person had to say, or think.

My needs, and wants weren’t present here and it started becoming something I no longer wanted. I had to go back to just doing it for the fun of it all, doing it because I had something to say, and someone I was trying to reach.

Reaching all the new moms out there who feel like they are alone in their feelings and emotions, girls dealing with PCOS and feeling like they will never have children, andfor myself to have a place to breath and take in life, to be heard.

This was all supposed to be a journal of sorts and it turned into something completely different. I will always love playing in my makeup and sharing my latest looks, but I still need to keep it real here and have a place to share with moms who are struggling or thinking that their best isn’t best.

Because I have been there and I have done that and I am still there on some days, so when a friend reached out to me and said you make this mom thing look easy. I was sad and it made me want to share the real and the truth.

Don’t forget you can always find me on social media — @hellovashti