Many years back when we were trying to have a little one of our own I was taking mediciations, and while on the medicine I would get these very irrational hormonal spurts of emotion.
They would make me cry and feel completely and utterly lost in my own emotions, it was just something where I felt like internally I couldn't figure out what I was doing with my life in that moment. It felt like a freight train was coming straight at me and I didn't know how to get off the track or if I even wanted to.
I would get upset with E and I would just cry. Which if you know me personally I do get mad at E [lol] but crying isn't something that I do too often just out of the blue for no reason.
Once I was done with them my levels returned to normal and I felt great again. It was the oddest thing to me and E would seriously look at me like, what is wrong with you?
Then recently after having J, I asked a friend about these "oils" she was always talking about. She had talked about them constantly on her social media and honestly I kind of thought of her as one of those crazy cat lady types, but she doesn't own cats.
So in hopes of not coming off like one of those crazy cat lady kind of people I have kind of held back on talking about oils.
Sometimes, I feel like when people start talking about something on social it can seem like it's all about a sale.
And that's not it.
It's about educating people on what you can use to help your body, mind, and maybe your soul too.
I recently tried this new oil in hope to potentially get my body ready for maybe baby #2 if that was something in our future. It took so long and so many years with J that while I am in no rush it would be great to be in a good place health wise for an "if it were to happen" kind of moment.
For a while now my mental state hasn't been that great, it felt that their was potential for me to say that I was possibly bi-polar and maybe I should definitely try to find a therapist.
I am not a take medication type of person unless it is for extreme pain like my c-section so even when I had headache I would prefer to nap instead of pop a few Tylenol or Advil.
I never thought for a moment that my mental state could be due to having J or a hormone imbalances I just thought life was throwing some hard stones and I would eventually bounce back.
But once I saw the difference in my mentality after using a couple of drops of Progessence Plus I felt like a huge weight lifted off of me.
I wish I had started using it sooner. I immediately messaged my upline aka the girl who told me to try oils, and asked her is it possible?
Is it possible for my cycle to start, is it possible for me to not feel or look bloated, is it possible for me to immediately feel like a better person? A better mom?
And her response was it is totally possible. 😮
Everyday with J was a struggle E would call and immediately I would be frustrated. I envied him, his alone time working two jobs, being able to sit alone in a car with no one to worry about, being able to use the bathroom without someone standing their like "mom?".
We fought a lot because I never felt like "l" mattered anymore. I never felt like I was me, anymore.
J would do normal baby things, fuss, cry, throw a tantrum and I would just want to cry and sometimes I did. Not because he was doing things every mom wishes their child wouldn't do but because I couldn't handle it. I would feel enraged inside and I would just want to close my eyes and scream. I tried my best to fight back all of it. But sometimes I would yell and be like "what?!?" and after I would immediately feel horrible. I felt like Dr. Jykell and Mr. Hyde
After all these years of trying I felt like maybe it was just because I want supposed to have kids, I felt like a bad mom.
Hormonally I was out of whack and I tried to hide it as best as possible but my marriage was suffering and I could totally see my self losing interest in a lot of things.
If you have #PCOS you may know what I am talking about, if not think of it as a crazy psychotic bout of PMS. I literally had times where I wanted to just drop everything and leave.
I'd imagine myself on a solo road trip to absolutely no where. I remember messaging my best friend and being like I just want to get in a car and drive and never come back.
It was hard, because I love J and I love E but it was really making me doubt myself as a women. As a married women who loves her child and her husband.
So to feel the way I feel now and not share it with others who may be feeling the same exact way would be wrong on so many levels. I know I may not reach a ton of people with my writing but I do know there are a few of you out there that do read this and it may help you somehow.
And regardless of if you go get oils, or medication just make sure you are doing something about it for you.
Because you don't deserve to feel this way, no one does.
It's hard for strong women to admit that they aren't strong, to cry, to feel hopeless and outside of control of their emotions. I feel like I am a pretty strong women. I have made mistakes in my life, I have had bad things happen to me, and I have found myself on the other side of them all happier and healthier.
And I feel like maybe this is just another stepping stone in my life in order to share this with the people I know, the friends and family I love.
I am not asking you to buy into any scheme or fill my pockets with money. I am asking you to take care of yourself.
Oils are just the way that I do that.