Toast & Twirl Workshop

This past weekend I was able to attend the Toast and Twirl Workshop with ToastfromtheHost [Lauren Banzu] it was held at the Aris at Market Square and if you are looking for downtown living I can totally recommend visiting this place to keep in the running.  

It was so much fun, we did a bunch of DIY's which oddly enough I like to do.  I saw some of my other blogger friends and I had just a good time being out with adults. 

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I'm feeling 32

Turning 32

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Wow! y'all today I turn 32!

At some point last year I guess between having a baby and becoming a sahm I lost an entire year of my life. I somehow didn't remember turning 31 and still thought for most of the year I was 30. Time flies, you don't necessarily have to be having fun. 

With that said the past year has taught me a lot!

Lesson learned:

It has taught me that karma is indeed a bitch.

People will lose interest in you

You will lose yourself. 

Life will continue without you. 

Hard times, good times and all the in-between will come at you like a freight train, whether you like it or not.

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People you didn't think were there for you are, people that you did aren't.  

Post-partum depression has nothing to do with how much you love your child.  And you have no control over it. 

Loving your child has nothing to do with how much you love your husband. 

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Taking time for yourself isn't selfish, it's self-care nothing works well without maintenance. 

You will have to learn all over again how to date, even if it is the man you started dating 12 years ago and married 7.  

Resting Bitch Face is common, you aren't alone.

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Motherhood is a job for which you never get paid by monetary value, nor will some ever know your true worth. "Aint no women alive that could take my Mama's place" - Tupac

Regardless of how exceptionally dressed you are, your child will throw a tantrum anywhere, anytime. No fucks given.  

Your child will love you more than any toy, clothes, or cartoon character. Be present

Note to self:

I recently watched a YouTube video by Kalynn Nichols where she said something along the lines of no matter what the year had in store for you goods or bad, it taught you something and therefore be grateful it happened.

Not in those exact shitty words but you get the jist of what I am saying. 

A lot of incredibly shitty things happened to me last year, a lot of incredibly amazing things happened for me last year.

The great thing about living is the ability to have another year to mend relationships, have more babies, love better, dance more, travel often, eat well, and love life. 

So cheers year 32, let's see what you've got for me.   

High-Waisted Bikini

hello there, loves.

Today I am talking about a little self love.  This past weekend I found myself in a bikini.  

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I am currently going into my 5th month Post-Partum and I am a little upset with myself.  I am currently about 5lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight and I still at times feel like I still look enormous.  I have always loved my legs and now I see them in this picture and I am like 🙈.  

I thought I would've lost more weight by now and while I am constantly wanting women to be very proud of their bodies and what they have done, will do, and so forth. I am currently not loving mine 😒. 

I recently picked up this high-waisted 👙 bikini from Old Navy and while it covers all the "necessary" areas, I still can't help but feel like it could fit way better than it does.

I recently ordered a couple of summer items and I had to size up on a few things which doesn't matter to me, it is all about how I look and feel. Sometimes I feel great and I feel like I am making such progress in eating better [I have my moments of indulgences, like there is currently a gallon of sweet tea in the fridge 🙄] and sometimes I am super good.  

The problem is adding in working out into my already super busy schedule.  Mommy-ing is hard and you have to literally plan your entire day accordingly.  For instance, when J goes down for this naps I have to think about what I am going to do and in the order I am going to do it in.  There is no longer do things when you feel like it.  Your every move is planned, at least if you want to remain sane to some extent.  In my case, I am still completely insane and losing my mind at times but each day gets better. But where there is a will there is a way. 

Don't read this assuming I am complaining about being a mother, I am not.  I am totally praying for all the people who are currently in the shoes we were just a few short months ago.  I am very happy every day that I am a mother and that J is ours, we are seriously blessed.  I love every little piece of him, seriously. 

I just kind of hate my body right now, and that has nothing to do with the fact that I had a baby it is mostly just my self esteem at times.

But the other day I found myself calling myself fat and didn't realize my niece was around and she heard me.  And when she told me I wasn't fat, it was at that very moment I wish I could've re-winded and taken the words right back out of my mouth.  🤦🏽‍♀️ Talk about face palm moment. 

We as women have to stop putting ourselves down.  We have to stop being to judgmental of each other, and we have to stop speaking down to ourselves.  I am my own worst critic. If you have said something about me trust that I have probably said it to myself already.  You're just as an asshole if you have and so am I. 

Start loving yourself ladies.  There is enough BS going on in the world that we don't have to be mean to one another or ourselves for that matter in order to get around in the world. 

I challenge you each day point out something beautiful about yourself.  I have always loved my eyes 👀. 

What is your beautiful?  

Success Envy and Burn Out

Read this before continuing.

You don't know where someone's been until you walk in their shoes, this is your journey deal with it.

You'll never appreciate anything you never worked hard for.  

So hustle hard and give yourself a little credit love, for the journey you made thus far probably wasn't without road blocks, you'll get there.

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Life has been super hectic for me lately, I was hoping that when I kicked my full time to the curb I would have more time for the simple things but that is totally not happening.  

I have the crazy tedious way about life, I like to do things a certain way and when that way is changed it messes me up.  And I feel like I'm in a crash and burn situation. 

For me personally not being able to do it all kind of sucks because that's the person I am. If I don't do it myself it won't get done type of attitude, it's a problem of mine like OCD, I guess?

I have totally been envying the success of others, I am happy for them honestly it's crazy some of the success that some people have but I wish I had it too.  

I know I can only blame myself, I have changed the name of my blog so many times I can barely keep up. How the hell can anyone else?  

I have been pushing myself to the max and honestly I need a fucking break.  I need a little tequila [maybe a lot] and a bunch of rest.  

It just makes me feel super guilty to drop J anywhere already.  I mean we wanted him for so long, prayed for him so hard and I feel obligated to be there for him besides just being his mother. Like I got my miracle but there are so many out there still waiting and praying. 

I feel like I should be able to handle it all, I should be all organized and I should have all these pretty post prepared but I don't, I don't have my shit together.  And it is annoying the fuck out of me.

I want to be organized, I want to get shit done.  

A friend recently told me to stop saying and start doing, and my doing is not happening and it hasn't for quite sometime.  

I don't want to be perfect, I just need something to get done.  I need weekly post to be prepared to where I have time to read over them, instead of throwing something on this blog crossing my fingers and hoping people read it.  

I need dinner to get cooked so we aren't eating crap every day, I need to fit in some type of working out in preferably at home because I hate being away from a J and gyms for that matter. 

We moved into our house last year and I have yet to use our bath tub, it sucks.  I finally have a tub of my own and I still haven't used it and we'll be here a year at the end of August.

I want to have one of those moments with the pretty rose petals, candles and maybe the possibility of dozing off.  But I guess instead of perfect I just need done

It seems like when you get older these things have to be scheduled into life, regardless of if you are a SAHM, Entrepreneur, or all of the above and in between. 

I'm not complaining but I need something to keep myself accountable, I need to get shit done and I need to do it now. 

But always remember this we as humans have a tendency to compare ourselves to others without knowing their journey and feeling like we deserve something without the hustle. 

Don't compare yourself to others it is a shit storm you can avoid.