Mama Moments

A couple of weeks ago I stumbled upon a blog while I was looking for #mommybloggers like myself and found the Honest Mama Blog, written by Hannah and it was one of those findings that was the right time, right place type of thing.

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After reading most of the things she wrote, I  thought well maybe I should start a series here on my blog doing something similar.  Now I am no where near as great of a writer as Hannah and I entirely encourage you to read a lot of what she wrote because not only is it good writing but a lot of what she has to say isn't out there in the world. And us not-so-perfect Mama's need to hear it. 

The world has sugar-coated everything out there regarding Motherhood and made a lot of us feel like shitty mom's because our experience isn't what everyone says it would be/should be. 

Mothering at it's finest is hard. If you find a mom on social or in real life that is acting like her shit is together, she is doing just that acting. 

Now don't get me wrong motherhood has it's perks.  The moment when Jax says "mama", I am all weak in the knees in love, or when he cuddles me in the morning.  When he grabs my hand to walk down the stairs, or when he finds me in the middle of the night so he can lay next to me.  It is the absolute best feeling in the world and I am so grateful to be his mama. Absolutely grateful!

All of those plus much much more is the great part about being a mommy/parent.  But then you also have other moments that no one tells you about or they forget completely.  

And they leave you feeling like you should be walking around with a shirt that says world worst mom, ever! 

Because there are those moments where you are like "I am getting one thing from the store and then we will head back home", so you don't pack all of the things for the baby on your way out, like a change of clothes and he ends up somehow peeing through his diaper and all over his clothing. 

So instead of  the one thing, it turns into a bunch of things and you can never cleverly explain to your husband why you can never walk out of Target under $100 🤦🏽‍♀️

Moral of the story motherhood can be very hard at times and you need all the help and support you can get, my advice to you is take it. If they are offering more than likely they want to watch you little one, or they know what exhaustion looks like, feels like and honestly just want to help. 

Another note, the judgement from others has been there all your life and it just intensifies when you become a mommy, my recommendation is to develop thicker skin, or don't give a shit mentality, and you keep your head held high.

Letters to Jaxon : 01

J, this one's for you. 

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J, you are a special kind of kid, when God made us wait for you he knew exactly what he was doing.

He knew that you'd have that perfect smile, the best heart, and the presence of a little king. Hearts melt for you little one and you are so, so loved.

You are pretty amazing, you are our kind of perfect, and I am so entirely happy you are ours. 

Before you I always told myself I would create a place to write to you, to tell you as much as possible how much you mean to me in case I forget to tell you or you forget when I am gone. 

But it is hard to not always tell you how much I love you. It hard to not squeeze you tighter every day because you are growing too fast and my heart can't handle it.  

I knew once you arrived my heart would forget all those times when we struggled for you, it would forget how much it broke when the test once again said negative, it would forget about all the medicines and how they made me feel, it would forget all the times I cried for you.  It would forget all the hard times your dad and I went through before you. 

Because now all the tears are happy ones and life is what I would call perfect with you.

I want you to know that if there were anything great I've ever done with my life, it was creating you. 

I want you to know that seeing you grow and the new things you do on a daily make me sad because I know you won't be little forever.  And because time flies so quickly, I feel like I'll miss it all if I don't put it down. 

I wanted to tell you that you are my favorite person to dance with and it scares the hell out of me to even think that one day we will be dancing at your wedding [hopefully to a girl I actually approve of, doubtful there'll ever be a girl]. I know it's so far in the future but it breaks my heart some days to see you grow so fast and know that the days and years will pass and I'll look back on this post and read these words of truth. 

If you were to be my only child I have to tell you that you are by far the best I could've ever asked for, whoever comes after you definitely has some big shoes to fill and I can only hope for another as amazing as you. 

I want you to know that you are very special to me and I am so grateful to God every day that you are here. I know I lived life without you for 29 years and I am not sure how I did it. But it did help me to know what good and great are, and you my love are good and great

I love you so, so much my little pumpkin pie.  Please stop growing so fast so this momma can stop crying every time she sees you do something new. It took me forever to write this post because you are moving all over the place and it is really hard to write through tears. 

I love you more and more each day. I love your smiles and head butts in the morning when you try to lay your head next to mine.

Happy 7 months, my wild one.  

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Am I crazy?

I was just browsing through a mommy online community and these ladies are pregnant already after having babies around the same time as J, like within days of J.

My initial thoughts were "Nah I'm good. Buh-bye. WTF." You know things a sane person would say. I am not sane in any which leads me to my next thought. I immediately thought hell no, but soon after was like well I kinda wouldn't mind being in the same boat as these ladies.

Kids are tough and managing two would be difficult and life changing to say the least but honestly it took so long to have J, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to have another even if it would be soon after J.

Life changes so much when you go from no kids in your house to a permanent little person crawling around.  It is a different rodeo than when I would watch my nieces and nephews and give them back at some point, when they are yours, they are yours. No take backs. 

We have discussed it and while having a baby amongst us is tough, we aren't doing anything to stop another one from entering the mix.  If I know anything from the journey we went through to have J, I know that God definitely has a plan for us.  J is definitely a part of some well thought out plan that would only come from up above. 

So am I crazy for not minding if I get knocked up so soon after baby #1? 

This adorable-ness is why we definitely want at least one more, if I don't go crazy first. 

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