Letters to Jaxon : 01

J, this one's for you. 

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J, you are a special kind of kid, when God made us wait for you he knew exactly what he was doing.

He knew that you'd have that perfect smile, the best heart, and the presence of a little king. Hearts melt for you little one and you are so, so loved.

You are pretty amazing, you are our kind of perfect, and I am so entirely happy you are ours. 

Before you I always told myself I would create a place to write to you, to tell you as much as possible how much you mean to me in case I forget to tell you or you forget when I am gone. 

But it is hard to not always tell you how much I love you. It hard to not squeeze you tighter every day because you are growing too fast and my heart can't handle it.  

I knew once you arrived my heart would forget all those times when we struggled for you, it would forget how much it broke when the test once again said negative, it would forget about all the medicines and how they made me feel, it would forget all the times I cried for you.  It would forget all the hard times your dad and I went through before you. 

Because now all the tears are happy ones and life is what I would call perfect with you.

I want you to know that if there were anything great I've ever done with my life, it was creating you. 

I want you to know that seeing you grow and the new things you do on a daily make me sad because I know you won't be little forever.  And because time flies so quickly, I feel like I'll miss it all if I don't put it down. 

I wanted to tell you that you are my favorite person to dance with and it scares the hell out of me to even think that one day we will be dancing at your wedding [hopefully to a girl I actually approve of, doubtful there'll ever be a girl]. I know it's so far in the future but it breaks my heart some days to see you grow so fast and know that the days and years will pass and I'll look back on this post and read these words of truth. 

If you were to be my only child I have to tell you that you are by far the best I could've ever asked for, whoever comes after you definitely has some big shoes to fill and I can only hope for another as amazing as you. 

I want you to know that you are very special to me and I am so grateful to God every day that you are here. I know I lived life without you for 29 years and I am not sure how I did it. But it did help me to know what good and great are, and you my love are good and great

I love you so, so much my little pumpkin pie.  Please stop growing so fast so this momma can stop crying every time she sees you do something new. It took me forever to write this post because you are moving all over the place and it is really hard to write through tears. 

I love you more and more each day. I love your smiles and head butts in the morning when you try to lay your head next to mine.

Happy 7 months, my wild one.  

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Jaxon is 6 months

Jaxon is 6 Months! | hello there, love. blog
Jaxon is 6 Months! | hello there, love. blog
Jaxon is 6 Months! | hello there, love. blog
Jaxon is 6 Months! | hello there, love. blog

I know I write this every single time but time is flying way too fast. I feel like it was a short while ago they I had my little Papa! And oddly enough I'm missing being pregnant, yes you can call me crazy. 

This month he will turn 6 months and I cannot believe it, I guess I should start planning his 1st birthday party. It is just so hard to believe that he is half way through his first year. Seriously, where is the time going? 

I have been planning to put up a couple of photos in our house so I decided it was time to dress him up and get some more shots of him. 

Currently Jaxon is: 

Finding his voice he recently started saying his "Dada Da".  Not to be confused with Dada nope I'm not counting that as daddy 😂. Can you tell someone is jealous? He does love his daddy though. 

He loves to watch Mickey Mouse and PJ Masks. 

He is wearing a 6-12 or 9 and 12 months clothing, I literally had to cut him out of an outfit recently 🙈.  

He loves to pull on hair and mostly daddy's beard.  

He is sitting up really well, turning on his side, and rolling over. We have to be very careful with him.  Edit: He is pulling and moving very quickly since I wrote the post originally. Whew! boy can move. 

He loves bath time and a lot of the water ends up on the kitchen floor.   We may move to the big tub soon. Edit: we are now in a full bath tub with a sponge for his cute little tush. 

Mommy is debating on putting him in swimming classes since grandma and grandpa have a pool.  

He is eating any and all baby food that is given to him, but his favorites so far are sweet potatoes. We are saving the bananas for last 💕. Edit: we moved up to second foods, we tried bananas and he didn't like it much, we will try again. He isn't a fan of sweet potatoes and turkey at all. 

He still loves to be rocked to sleep and mommy isn't mad about it. 

I am loving these moments with Jaxon and I am so happy to have somewhere to document it all. I am also so very grateful for my husband for working so hard for us and this mom to be able to stay home. 

We are both thankful to our families that help us out with Jaxon so we can have time together, get errands done, and love on him so much. We love seeing you guys love him so much. 

 

Jaxon is 4 months!

You read that right my little papa is 4 months old today.

I can't believe it. When I was pregnant I told myself I would make sure and take pictures of him, document everything and leave nothing behind.

I mean what's the point in having a professional camera if you don't use it for your personal photography too. I don't want to miss J growing up and it seems like that's all that is happening time is flying and I want to make sure I have photos to remember all those moments by.

There have been days when I'm rocking him to sleep and I start to cry because he is growing to fast and my heart can't take it. I feel like it was just yesterday that he couldn't even hold up his own head.

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I love all of his facial expressions, his laugh, the fact that his entire body is a tickle spot and that he hair is already past his neck.  

I love when I see myself and when I see E in him, he is the ultimate perfect combination of the both of us. 

I'm so thankful everyday that God gave him to us, and answered our prayers. I remember what life was like without J and it was pretty amazing but life with J is unimaginably beautiful and more than I could ever ask for.

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I might have formula in my hair.

It's currently 2:47am here in Houston the Husband and the babes are fast asleep. 

I on the other hand, I might have formula in my hair. 

Currently J is still sleeping in our bed, your judgement isn't needed on this matter. J is also waking up for about 2 feedings from the time he goes to bed until 6 am. One feeding is at 2 and the other at 5 and if I want to get a little more rest he will take another 2 oz at 7. He is a eater, there is no denying that. 

Normally we sleep Me, J, pillow, then E. But last night E thought myself and the pillow could switch places to see if maybe I'd get a better nights sleep between J's feeding schedule. I can say my back hurts way less and I'm actually not uber tired at the moment. Check back with me in the am. 

I had a little hesitation because J's formula is always on the nightstand next to the bed and I'd have to actually get up to make his bottles, and ain't no body got time fa dat. Well I should've made time. 

Like I said it is 2:47, after getting up at 2a to make J's bottle I then had to clean formula off of the bed, which I just cleaned earlier today. I had to dust the majority of it off so it wouldn't feel like we're were laying in sand on a beach, where I actually wish I were right now. 

How did formula get all over the bed you ask? Well J isn't one to really wait for his night time bottles or any bottle for that matter, so as I was pouring the formula into his bottle he threw his arm, it connected with the formula container and the rest my friends is history. 

So after spending so many hours yesterday cleaning our bedroom I know have to do it all over again ☹️ in the morning. I honestly could use a donut, a margarita, a thin crust Pepperoni pizza, and a hug not in that specific order. 

Oh and on top of that my dog is outside barking, at nothing.  

The moral of this story my friends is trust your gut and don't do something you know damn well is a fail. 

Irrelevant picture of my dog [yup the one that is barking] sleeping because it is what I wish I was doing right now 😴 but on a beach .

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Recovery Weekend

Recovery Weekend | Hello There, Love. Blog

I finally got Jaxon down again [and again since] this morning and my hands are free.  I should be washing his bottles for when he wakes up in a little while but I'd rather get some blogs done.  It is raining in Houston today and I am hoping to get our closet organized and the house cleaned a little.  With Jaxon's arrival and my c-section our living room has been baby central, so today I am going to put everything back in his room.  He is getting so big and I can't believe he will soon be 2 months already, every Monday brings in a new week of life for him and today marks 6 weeks. 

Anyway, I hope you loves are doing well and enjoying your Monday, I know it is Monday it can be hard to enjoy.  I return to my full-time job soon and I am on the fence about how I feel.  I definitely don't want to leave Jaxon but I know I need some time away from the house.  I just don't know how much time my heart can handle being away from him.  I have been to the grocery store a few times and I haven't cried but I know I will return to him in an hour or so.  Once I am at work it will be a full 8+ hours, but I know he will be in good hands.  It still doesn't make it easy to want to leave him. 

I am still trying to find ways to work from home to make some extra income, so definitely let your girl know. 

The weekends lately have been all about trying to recover from the week that just past. Since I have been home with Jaxon I never know what day of the week it is or what day of the month it is.  I don't mind it, though, I'd much rather not know what day of the week it is than keep praying for Friday to come sooner. 

We have had a lot of "to-do's" that keep getting passed up, the dogs need to go to the vet and we need a new kennel for Max [Jax's new doggie, don't worry I will share pics as soon as he is here]. We need to find nightstands for our master bedroom and a stand for under our living room tv.  There is so much dusting that needs to be done upstairs and our master shower needs to be cleaned : | but I have to take it one day at a time, one task at a time.

I have to keep reminding myself that not everything needs to be perfect and everything will get done eventually.  

Being a new mom has changed me for the better, I learn something new every day.  I find new things that interest me, and I have a newfound love for the word hustle. Each morning I wake up, I see his beautiful face and I thank God for this amazing gift he has given us our very own little miracle. 

 

 

Dear Jaxon

Dear Jaxon, 

The other day I sat in the clinic waiting on the doctor to find out the date of your arrival. After meeting with her and discussing a few things I walked to the car, called your dad and proceeded to cry. 

I cried not because anything was wrong or I was in pain but I cried because it became so real. I cried because I would no longer have you to myself, I cried because you would grow too fast, I cried because I can't believe I will finally get to touch your toes, kiss your fingers and kiss your cheeks.  

You see son, I've loved you before you were even conceived, before I ever seen you as a tiny embryo on an ultrasound, before you were a plus symbol on a pregnancy stick.  

You are my everything, my entire world. I am still in awe that you are here with me and I can touch you and love on you.  I know the nights will be rough and things will get difficult at times but I know that you are worth every thing we have ever gone through to get you here. 

You are the most beautiful thing that I have ever created, you are able to bring out a side of your dad that I never have seen but I am completely in love with. You make us better, more than we could have ever dreamed to be better for you, we are.  

We thought we were as close to complete as we could be before you but I now know you were the missing piece.  We love you Jaxon, we love you more than you will ever know.  

Dear Jaxon | Hello There Love, Blog.

Goodbye 2016

Goodbye 2016 | Hello There Love

Year after year it is the same thing time flies and we are left wondering where it all went. 

2016 had its highs and its lows, we found out we were pregnant, we lost beloved dogs, and we moved into our brand new house.  To say I had an emotional rollercoaster of a year would definitely be an understatement, being pregnant and having a lot of things happen all in one year wasn't easy.  I was a hormonal wreck! 

While everyone is posting their 9 greatest photos of 2016, there is only one that really really means a lot to me. It is the photo that documents the day that we found out we were pregnant.  

After all of the struggles, we went through with infertility, to say that I will have an amazingly gorgeous healthy baby boy in my arms in a few short weeks makes me so happy [and cry a lot]. I wonder what he is going to look like [even though the 3D says his daddy], who he is going to act like and what the hell we are going to do with a baby.  

I am scared, excited, nervous, and so ready it is unreal.  I can't believe we are going to finally be parents, E will finally be a daddy, I will be someone's mommy.  It is just so. . .unreal. 

I can't wait for the moment where his tiny little fingers wrap around mine, I snap those photos of him sleeping on daddy's chest, he sleeps through the night, and bonds with our dogs.  I can't wait to see how excited and emotional this is going to be for E's family and my own.  I am definitely going to cry so much I'll need to remember to forget the mascara or make up in general. 

It has been hard all of these months to write about Jaxon and my maternity journey because I just couldn't find the words, I couldn't come up with the right things to write so that you could feel how much I love someone I haven't even met yet.  I also wanted to just experience it all plus pregnancy brain is so, so real. 

So while I spend the rest of 2016 on my couch, eating things I definitely shouldn't be eating and probably falling asleep before the clock hits midnight.  I am thankful for another year, a new life, and a new home and more time with family and friends. 

And I pray for the same for you. 

 

Goodbye 2016 | Hello There Love
Goodbye 2016 | Hello There Love