Mama Moments

A couple of weeks ago I stumbled upon a blog while I was looking for #mommybloggers like myself and found the Honest Mama Blog, written by Hannah and it was one of those findings that was the right time, right place type of thing.

IMAGE.JPG

After reading most of the things she wrote, I  thought well maybe I should start a series here on my blog doing something similar.  Now I am no where near as great of a writer as Hannah and I entirely encourage you to read a lot of what she wrote because not only is it good writing but a lot of what she has to say isn't out there in the world. And us not-so-perfect Mama's need to hear it. 

The world has sugar-coated everything out there regarding Motherhood and made a lot of us feel like shitty mom's because our experience isn't what everyone says it would be/should be. 

Mothering at it's finest is hard. If you find a mom on social or in real life that is acting like her shit is together, she is doing just that acting. 

Now don't get me wrong motherhood has it's perks.  The moment when Jax says "mama", I am all weak in the knees in love, or when he cuddles me in the morning.  When he grabs my hand to walk down the stairs, or when he finds me in the middle of the night so he can lay next to me.  It is the absolute best feeling in the world and I am so grateful to be his mama. Absolutely grateful!

All of those plus much much more is the great part about being a mommy/parent.  But then you also have other moments that no one tells you about or they forget completely.  

And they leave you feeling like you should be walking around with a shirt that says world worst mom, ever! 

Because there are those moments where you are like "I am getting one thing from the store and then we will head back home", so you don't pack all of the things for the baby on your way out, like a change of clothes and he ends up somehow peeing through his diaper and all over his clothing. 

So instead of  the one thing, it turns into a bunch of things and you can never cleverly explain to your husband why you can never walk out of Target under $100 🤦🏽‍♀️

Moral of the story motherhood can be very hard at times and you need all the help and support you can get, my advice to you is take it. If they are offering more than likely they want to watch you little one, or they know what exhaustion looks like, feels like and honestly just want to help. 

Another note, the judgement from others has been there all your life and it just intensifies when you become a mommy, my recommendation is to develop thicker skin, or don't give a shit mentality, and you keep your head held high.

I'm feeling 32

Turning 32

IMAGE.JPG

Wow! y'all today I turn 32!

At some point last year I guess between having a baby and becoming a sahm I lost an entire year of my life. I somehow didn't remember turning 31 and still thought for most of the year I was 30. Time flies, you don't necessarily have to be having fun. 

With that said the past year has taught me a lot!

Lesson learned:

It has taught me that karma is indeed a bitch.

People will lose interest in you

You will lose yourself. 

Life will continue without you. 

Hard times, good times and all the in-between will come at you like a freight train, whether you like it or not.

6A6E24C7-CC98-4654-B076-D300F1E74356.JPG

People you didn't think were there for you are, people that you did aren't.  

Post-partum depression has nothing to do with how much you love your child.  And you have no control over it. 

Loving your child has nothing to do with how much you love your husband. 

IMAGE.JPG

Taking time for yourself isn't selfish, it's self-care nothing works well without maintenance. 

You will have to learn all over again how to date, even if it is the man you started dating 12 years ago and married 7.  

Resting Bitch Face is common, you aren't alone.

IMG_3043.JPG

Motherhood is a job for which you never get paid by monetary value, nor will some ever know your true worth. "Aint no women alive that could take my Mama's place" - Tupac

Regardless of how exceptionally dressed you are, your child will throw a tantrum anywhere, anytime. No fucks given.  

Your child will love you more than any toy, clothes, or cartoon character. Be present

Note to self:

I recently watched a YouTube video by Kalynn Nichols where she said something along the lines of no matter what the year had in store for you goods or bad, it taught you something and therefore be grateful it happened.

Not in those exact shitty words but you get the jist of what I am saying. 

A lot of incredibly shitty things happened to me last year, a lot of incredibly amazing things happened for me last year.

The great thing about living is the ability to have another year to mend relationships, have more babies, love better, dance more, travel often, eat well, and love life. 

So cheers year 32, let's see what you've got for me.   

Everything is a choice.

IMG_4101.PNG

So much yes in this.

I can't sit here and believe otherwise. you choose your actions, the people you surround yourself with and the love you allow yourself to give.

To say choosing lately hasn't been tough for me would be a lie.

Choosing to remain in a place I am no longer sure is for me because I am constantly questioning something I thought was perfect and whole. It is tough. It is really hard

I don't know if the choices I make today I'll eventually regret in the future and trust me I have dealt with my fair share of regret. I am no perfect person. 

All I can do is hope and pray that the things I choose to do today will be for a better future, or another learning experience but I can't sit here and dwell on something that I can't change.  

And it's hard to be the bigger person and it's hard to not hope that everyone gets what they deserve. But I don't have enough room in my heart for hate, the old me maybe. I just can't keep it up.  

I just want to be happy. Some days are just harder than others.