A few months ago, I lost my dog and it made me start re-thinking a lot of things. He meant a lot to me and I just realized how much time I didn't spend with him before he was gone because I was too busy during nap time trying to film a makeup video, or photograph an outfit.Read More
And there it was the moment when he laid there watching me intently as I removed all of the gunk from the barrel of the vacuum cleaner brush, wide eyed and bushy tailed as though it was the newest, coolest cartoon on the block. It was in that moment that I realized this kid, this little miracle of ours was going to be something big.
There are many things that J has of mine, my temper, my impatience, my knack for the dramatics, but what he has of his daddy's is the willingness to learn, the patience to figure it out, and the ability to shoot you a smile and flirtatious look that will have you weak in the knees.Read More
After everything that was going on in my personal life, I definitely needed a break from everything. I wish I could’ve fit in a vacation from life but with a family that is not something that you can do.
Instead, I took a step back from my blog and a little bit of social media and it helped tremendously. I also took a refreshing instagram class from my dear friend Stacy Anderson that helped me feel much better about the path about this blog.Read More
Mother's Day was great!
My attitude on the other hand not so much.
If you saw my instagram post on this topic then you know exactly what I am talking about.
So my Mother's Day fail started on Saturday evening and apparently I was on a roll and wanted it to last the entire weekend, E came home with my gift and I was like nope, I don't want that. Then to top it off I decided to have an attitude that E decided to leave the house to do a little work for his regular job on Sunday morning. Now this I am still a little upset about and feel as though my feelings are in the right to an extent, but I am going to put my pride and attitude aside and be thankful and grateful that our finances and lives are being handled.Read More
“It’s a hell of a responsibility to be yourself. It’s much easier to be somebody else or nobody at all.” - Sylvia Plath
I was scrolling through one of my under-utilized social medias and found this quote up there and it couldn't be more relevant to my life.
I recently took these photos of a beauty look I was hoping to achieve and it totally went in the wrong direction, the light from the day faded and I didn't have the colors I needed to photograph the "look" I thought I wanted. I got something much, much more though.
This blogging thing has been pretty frustrating for me the past couple of years solely because I am refusing to sell myself short and do the entire loop bloggers, follow unfollow thing that all the bloggers do.
I also don't have a lot of support from people who already know me and sometimes I just get totally burnt out when trying to build my followers, but I don't just want people who tap, I want the conversation starters, the lovers and the genuine people that will actually get something from my content and live better lives.
Making a difference here is so much more important to me.
If I make someone feel better, or love themselves more that makes me happier than a bunch of likes on a social media account.
One day my husband told me why don't you just do it for fun and see where it goes, forget about earning money and at first it really pissed me off because I felt like he just didn't understand. Not bringing in an income after leaving my job was tough, I felt useless.
But he was so right. Please don't tell him I said this. Because he is wrong and I am always right.
I can't do what everyone else is doing and expect to stand out because I never will. I have to create something that is all me, all the time.
Of course, I would love, love to at least pay for my makeup and clothing expenses with funds from this year blog because momma loves her some clothes & trying new make-up but what will be, will be. Put it out in the world and it will happen right?
Also shout out to @girrlscout for being one of those inspiring people I have followed for a while now, who made me feel like I could be me and that falling in love with myself was something that was needed not only wanted.
Shadow Palette Urban Decay - Beauty with an Edge
Eylure Eyelashes - Accents No 003
Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Definer
Maybelline Curvacious Black
Maybelline SuperStay MatteInk - Visionary
Becca Cosmetics Champagne Pop Highlighter
This past year has been a whirlwind of a year, if there ever was a year that kept me on my toes it was this year and honestly I feel like every new year of motherhood will do just that.
I have to let you guys in on a little secret, I feel like a bad mom about 85% of the time. I legit feel like I should be doing things a lot better than I do. I mean I wanted this for years. And let me tell you when it is your kid it is totally different, there are no take backs, there is no time on the toilet by yourself and there is rarely the adult conversation.
I have to give many, many thanks to my and Eric's family, the women who have helped me tremendously this year have honestly been my saving grace. I can't thank you guys enough.
Here are a few mom tips and words of advice.
Give yourself grace
Be kind to yourself. There were a lot of times this year that I beat myself up about things that aren't ever going to be perfect. J will throw a fit in the worst of times, he will try to get out of the shopping basket every. single. trip to the grocery store. He will throw his bottle out of his car seat, his pacifier will go flying out of his stroller at the mall, and he will get my makeup all over his clothes. He will unintentionally hit me in the face with his toy hammer and I will chunk it across the room.
And when a lot of these things first started happening I was like what am I doing wrong here, why isn't anything with J going right [I'm over exaggerating because J is pretty amazing a lot of the time].
I literally would just stay home until someone volunteered to watch him. I have had days where I questioned if I was a good mom, days when I wondered if this was why it took so long for us to have our own and days when I literally hated Eric for not being me or in my place.
But you have to understand that sometimes it takes time to get everything in to order, you have to learn ways to do grocery shopping, ways to keep him occupied, ways to change his diaper in the car while on your lap because changing tables are gross.
There is a learning curve and you'll figure it out, eventually.
Take a breather
Give yourself time to adjust, take moments throughout the day whether it is during nap time, or dad time and give yourself a break. I always like those few moments in the car while he is asleep that I just breath. I gather my thoughts, I cry, I take a selfie, I ask for forgiveness, I sing to myself. I love being J's mom I will never say otherwise but there are times when I'm at my wits end and I have no clue what to do with myself, or what I've gotten myself into.
You know when it came down to it J was legit a miracle, I honestly wondered if we ever were going to have kids or if I should just get another doggie. And hope for the best. So being thankful and happy that we have him especially when so many are still struggling for their little miracles.
But I also am just thankful because J is the best thing to happen to us, he has made us better parents, people, friends, family, and he has made us fight for things we may have given up on.
I'm so, so thankful that J is happy, healthy, has the greatest laugh, loves his momma [some moments not so much], he dances with me, he cuddles, he loves his daddy, he is our own little miracle. I'm just so thankful for him.
Surround yourself with good people
this isn't only a #momlife tip but a #reallife tip, keep yourself around good people in general, uplifting, inspiring, encouraging, optimistic, doing good shit with their life people. When I look back on my life, it took twist and turns around the people I kept in my life, this includes the people you follow on social media.
I have found that being around those people who are constantly saying things about other people can rub off on you and more than likely if they talk about others to you they are doing the same to you to other people. Don't get me wrong I'm on occasion by fault one of those people but I've done my best to try to see the good in the bad.
So try to not keep that kind of company as much as possible. The more you focus on you the happier you will be. Trust me, trial and error here.
Be very aware of who you follow on social media as well the wrong people can have a huge effect on how you view things even if you don't feel like any of that changes your mind or attitude. It totally does.
You can only change the things you have control over.
I can tell you that there are a lot of times that you can't control things with a baby, you can't control when they go down for naps. You can't control when they decide it is time to eat, poop or pee. But you can prepare for it. It literally has taken this entire year to get adjusted to having a new baby in our lives, bills get paid late, plans get changed and things don't ever work out the way I want them to. I have learned to take it in stride, because if you don't you will seriously lose your shit. I have lost my shit so many times and it is so hard to either not regret the things you say or actions you make based off of it. Plus no one wants to be the mom losing their shit in public, no one.
It is tough and your baby isn't going to be like everyone else's baby and there are things you are going to have to learn from trial and error but understand that and don't be so hard on yourself about it when it doesn't happen. Motherhood is one of the toughest most rewarding jobs you'll ever have in life but there will be times when you will feel like it is just the worst.
Give yourself time to adjust. No mom will ever tell you that they had their shit together on day one or day 3,567 for that matter, if they do they are lying and you don't need those kind of people in your life. Bye Felicia.
Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I wanted to get a post out there that really hits home on the thankful part of it all.
Holidays are mostly all about the production of it all and we tend to forget about all the gratefulness and thankfulness we should "promote". Especially after standing over a stove, or getting a family ready to go, or running to different family members house's to celebrate with everyone, then imagine if it was all of the above.
Life for me hasn't been all roses and rainbows this year, it has been amazing because we have J, but we have had struggles in our marriage and it is easy at times to let the bad outway the good. I struggled with the staying home part of the stay-at-home-mom scenario this year, it is tough because after working for half of my life it was hard to not feel like I didn't matter because I wasn't bringing in any of my own money.
But there is nothing greater than J, there is nothing better than choosing us, and there is nothing better than defeating the hate and moving forward.
But there is nothing greater than J, there is nothing better than choosing us, there is nothing better than defeating the hate and moving forward.
You can totally be negative Nancy [sorry if your name is Nancy], you can let all of the bad in life become you, you can also be that person that no one wants to be around, you can be the person who allows all that happens to you bring you down instead of bringing you up. Or you can put up everything that is on the floor and piece it back together, put on some lipstick and make you better despite all of the 💩 you have gone through.
If you havent read my blog post on choices you definitely should. We can have it all, it all depends on how you look at life, what you let keep you down [notice I didn't say get you down] because you have to make the choice to get back up.
Be thankful for the good and bad in life, because there could've been issues that we would've never got through in our marriage without despair. We aren't perfect and that is totally fine but I am thankful for all the issues we have gone through because i feel like it finally led us to be real with one another. Some days are harder and some days are easier it's life, but the choice of how you react, you get up is all yours.
I am thankful for this year, I am thankful for the people in my life, I'm thankful for the people not in my life and I am so, so thankful for J. And I am thankful for all of the readers and friends I have because of this little blog here.
It is crazy how you go from the highest of highs, to the lowest of lows. Lately, I feel like I'm standing still and everything around me is blasting right past me.
For the most part this past year was for me was pretty perfect in a sense, my kind of perfect I guess but lately I have been dealing with a ton of personal shit and my kind of perfect started crumbling around me. I get it, sometimes things have to get shaken up in order to get to another new kind of perfect, yes just like a martini.
But it was rough, and things that I never thought would've happened, happened. I felt one of my lowest of lows that I've had in a really long time, and it sucked. I felt like I was losing my best friend and there wasn't anything I could do about it. Hurtful things were said, things were thrown, and the people we thought we were, were in a sense fading away. Yup, just like Bella in twilight.
And while today is it easier to write this and sort of make light of the situation, it still hurts. It hurts that there are people out there who want to hurt you. They may not think that they did it consciously but deep down some where in their heart of hearts, it is exactly what they wanted to do. There is a choice in everything. I have made my own set of bad choices in my life and I am pretty sure this is part of the karma that I am receiving from it but I am taking it with my head held high.
In times like this there is blaming you can do or there is healing you can do and while blaming is the easier road to travel, it feels much better to pick yourself up, put on the fucking lipstick and make your life the life you want. If you want to continue your relationship do it, if you want to end it do it but make sure it is what YOU want, make sure the person YOU are at the end of the day, is who you like staring you in the mirror.
When I had originally started this post it was going in a completely different direction because I was still in the thick of the hurt and pain, I was feeling sorry for myself for things the things that happened and I'm not that person anymore.
Do I have moments of weakness? Absofuckinlutely. I am not perfect, I repeat I am NOT perfect.
Don't ever envy someone else's life because you never truly know what they are dealing with or going through, trust me. It is easy to post things on social media and act like nothing is going on, but it is also really hard. I sometimes want to post a picture but it isn't really how I feel and then I feel like a fraud.
You know those things that aren't just weather related but life related.
It has been a little hectic around the house lately, and I am trying to get things back under control.
Our lovely puppy Max [or Diesel] decided he to chew through our internet lines which resulted in me not being able to get post going but I am currently using my Verizon Hot Spot and I hope my bill isn't insanely high next month because of it. Let's just hope it is included.
That folks is called dedication, lol.
With all of the hectic-ness going on, I decided I wanted to create a few printables that have been helping me keep things in order around the house, somewhat. I am going to create a small library and continuously add new items, these of course will be free if you sign up for the new letter the link will be provided.
If you haven't signed up for the newsletter you can find it over in the side bar or at the bottom of this post, I will start sending out weekly updates on blog post and upcoming events, or big news there first. I know I have said this before but J is finally letting me put him down more often and he is finding his toys much more intriguing than me.
I have a lot of plans for this little blog of mine in the future and I can't wait to get started on all of it but for now I need to get my house organized and a meal plan set up. If you have meal planning tips or recipes, please send them my way.
I recently had a really big hair change and if you don't keep up with me on my instagram you definitely should, it is where I post a few behind the scenes, or things as they happen.
We will be in Galveston again on Tuesday so don't forget to check my insta-stories for more of that.
Click the image below to open my instagram and don't forget to click the follow button!
Thank you for reading my little slice of the world, I can't wait to see what the future brings for this little blog of mine.
A little insight on our struggles with infertility and our journey to become parents.Read More
It's crazy to me how fast things can change. If someone would've said to me last year that this year I would be pregnant and that a lot more things were going to fall into place, I might have looked at you crazy 😒 and kept drinking my wine🍷. And probably taken your glass from you too.
Baby Jaxon wasn't #1 on my bucket list but he was the most important thing on there. If there was only one thing I could have off of my bucket list it would be him. I seriously can't wait to meet him, only 4 more months to go. Can you believe it is almost September?
I knew when it was time for us to have a baby all of our ducks wouldn't be in a row, like all debt paid and all the things everyone wants in their life before bringing a baby into this world.
But things fell into the perfect place for us, and I couldn't be happier. Things are still hectic, all of our dogs are still at my parents place and photography is kind of still on the back burner [which I hate] but I am trying to enjoy the happy while it is here.
But, I hope once everything is settled and things aren't in a huge mess. I can finally breath a little then I can get photography roaring again and finally be able to get that aspect of life in a better position.
When Jaxon does finally arrive I get maternity leave, so I am hoping in between his naps and feedings, etc., if I am not passed out myself that I can get some things into place. I am also hoping to get some editing done from past sessions that I didn't get done. A desk will finally get set up and I can finally have a spot to do some work without interruptions. Hopefully.
What do you have going on in your life?