Mama Moments: Summer of 2018

And there it was the moment when he laid there watching me intently as I removed all of the gunk from the barrel of the vacuum cleaner brush, wide eyed and bushy tailed as though it was the newest, coolest cartoon on the block.  It was in that moment that I realized this kid, this little miracle of ours was going to be something big.  

There are many things that J has of mine, my temper, my impatience, my knack for the dramatics, but what he has of his daddy's is the willingness to learn, the patience to figure it out, and the ability to shoot you a smile and flirtatious look that will have you weak in the knees. 

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I just needed some time.

I just needed some time.

After everything that was going on in my personal life, I definitely needed a break from everything. I wish I could’ve fit in a vacation from life but with a family that is not something that you can do.

Instead, I took a step back from my blog and a little bit of social media and it helped tremendously. I also took a refreshing instagram class from my dear friend Stacy Anderson that helped me feel much better about the path about this blog.

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Weekend Recap: Mother's Day Fail.

Mother's Day was great!
My attitude on the other hand not so much.

If you saw my instagram post on this topic then you know exactly what I am talking about. 

So my Mother's Day fail started on Saturday evening and apparently I was on a roll and wanted it to last the entire weekend, E came home with my gift and I was like nope, I don't want that.  Then to top it off I decided to have an attitude that E decided to leave the house to do a little work for his regular job on Sunday morning.  Now this I am still a little upset about and feel as though my feelings are in the right to an extent, but I am going to put my pride and attitude aside and be thankful and grateful that our finances and lives are being handled. 

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Being myself.

The Lavender Look: a soft spring inspired make up look
 “It’s a hell of a responsibility to be yourself. It’s much easier to be somebody else or nobody at all.” - Sylvia Plath
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I was scrolling through one of my under-utilized social medias and found this quote up there and it couldn't be more relevant to my life.   

I recently took these photos of a beauty look I was hoping to achieve and it totally went in the wrong direction, the light from the day faded and I didn't have the colors I needed to photograph the "look" I thought I wanted.  I got something much, much more though. 

This blogging thing has been pretty frustrating for me the past couple of years solely because I am refusing to sell myself short and do the entire loop bloggers, follow unfollow thing that all the bloggers do.

I also don't have a lot of support from people who already know me and sometimes I just get totally burnt out when trying to build my followers, but I don't just want people who tap, I want the conversation starters, the lovers and the genuine people that will actually get something from my content and live better lives.

Making a difference here is so much more important to me. 

If I make someone feel better, or love themselves more that makes me happier than a bunch of likes on a social media account. 

One day my husband told me why don't you just do it for fun and see where it goes, forget about earning money and at first it really pissed me off because I felt like he just didn't understand. Not bringing in an income after leaving my job was tough, I felt useless. 

But he was so right.  Please don't tell him I said this. Because he is wrong and I am always right.

I can't do what everyone else is doing and expect to stand out because I never will. I have to create something that is all me, all the time.  

Of course, I would love, love to at least pay for my makeup and clothing expenses with funds from this year blog because momma loves her some clothes & trying new make-up but what will be, will be.  Put it out in the world and it will happen right?  

Also shout out to @girrlscout for being one of those inspiring people I have followed for a while now, who made me feel like I could be me and that falling in love with myself was something that was needed not only wanted.

Make Up:
Shadow Palette Urban Decay - Beauty with an Edge
Eylure Eyelashes - Accents No 003
Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Definer
Maybelline Curvacious Black
Maybelline SuperStay MatteInk - Visionary 
Becca Cosmetics Champagne Pop Highlighter

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Motherhood : The First Year

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This past year has been a whirlwind of a year, if there ever was a year that kept me on my toes it was this year and honestly I feel like every new year of motherhood will do just that. 

I have to let you guys in on a little secret, I feel like a bad mom about 85% of the time. I legit feel like I should be doing things a lot better than I do. I mean I wanted this for years. And let me tell you when it is your kid it is totally different, there are no take backs, there is no time on the toilet by yourself and there is rarely the adult conversation. 

I have to give many, many thanks to my and Eric's family, the women who have helped me tremendously this year have honestly been my saving grace. I can't thank you guys enough.

Here are a few mom tips and words of advice.  

Give yourself grace

Be kind to yourself.  There were a lot of times this year that I beat myself up about things that aren't ever going to be perfect.  J will throw a fit in the worst of times, he will try to get out of the shopping basket every. single. trip to the grocery store.  He will throw his bottle out of his car seat, his pacifier will go flying out of his stroller at the mall, and he will get my makeup all over his clothes. He will unintentionally hit me in the face with his toy hammer and I will chunk it across the room. 

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And when a lot of these things first started happening I was like what am I doing wrong here, why isn't anything with J going right [I'm over exaggerating because J is pretty amazing a lot of the time].

I literally would just stay home until someone volunteered to watch him. I have had days where I questioned if I was a good mom, days when I wondered if this was why it took so long for us to have our own and days when I literally hated Eric for not being me or in my place.

But you have to understand that sometimes it takes time to get everything in to order, you have to learn ways to do grocery shopping, ways to keep him occupied, ways to change his diaper in the car while on your lap because changing tables are gross. 

There is a learning curve and you'll figure it out, eventually.  

Take a breather

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Give yourself time to adjust, take moments throughout the day whether it is during nap time, or dad time and give yourself a break.  I always like those few moments in the car while he is asleep that I just breath.  I gather my thoughts, I cry, I take a selfie, I ask for forgiveness, I sing to myself.  I love being J's mom I will never say otherwise but there are times when I'm at my wits end and I have no clue what to do with myself, or what I've gotten myself into. 

Be Thankful

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You know when it came down to it J was legit a miracle, I honestly wondered if we ever were going to have kids or if I should just get another doggie. And hope for the best. So being thankful and happy that we have him especially when so many are still struggling for their little miracles.

But I also am just thankful because J is the best thing to happen to us, he has made us better parents, people, friends, family, and he has made us fight for things we may have given up on.  

I'm so, so thankful that J is happy, healthy, has the greatest laugh, loves his momma [some moments not so much], he dances with me, he cuddles, he loves his daddy, he is our own little miracle. I'm just so thankful for him. 

Surround yourself with good people

this isn't only a #momlife tip but a #reallife tip, keep yourself around good people in general, uplifting, inspiring, encouraging, optimistic, doing good shit with their life people. When I look back on my life, it took twist and turns around the people I kept in my life, this includes the people you follow on social media. 

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I have found that being around those people who are constantly saying things about other people can rub off on you and more than likely if they talk about others to you they are doing the same to you to other people.  Don't get me wrong I'm on occasion by fault one of those people but I've done my best to try to see the good in the bad.

So try to not keep that kind of company as much as possible. The more you focus on you the happier you will be.  Trust me, trial and error here. 

Be very aware of who you follow on social media  as well the wrong people can have a huge effect on how you view things even if you don't feel like any of that changes your mind or attitude. It totally does. 

You can only change the things you have control over.

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I can tell you that there are a lot of times that you can't control things with a baby, you can't control when they go down for naps.  You can't control when they decide it is time to eat, poop or pee. But you can prepare for it.  It literally has taken this entire year to get adjusted to having a new baby in our lives, bills get paid late, plans get changed and things don't ever work out the way I want them to.  I have learned to take it in stride, because if you don't you will seriously lose your shit. I have lost my shit so many times and it is so hard to either not regret the things you say or actions you make based off of it. Plus no one wants to be the mom losing their shit in public, no one. 

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It is tough and your baby isn't going to be like everyone else's baby and there are things you are going to have to learn from trial and error but understand that and don't be so hard on yourself about it when it doesn't happen.  Motherhood is one of the toughest most rewarding jobs you'll ever have in life but there will be times when you will feel like it is just the worst. 

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Give yourself time to adjust. No mom will ever tell you that they had their shit together on day one or day 3,567 for that matter, if they do they are lying and you don't need those kind of people in your life.   Bye Felicia

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Thankful.

Giving Thanks, during Thanksgiving - Happy Thanksgiving | hello there, love. blog

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I wanted to get a post out there that really hits home on the thankful part of it all. 

Holidays are mostly all about the production of it all and we tend to forget about all the gratefulness and thankfulness we should "promote".  Especially after standing over a stove, or getting a family ready to go, or running to different family members house's to celebrate with everyone, then imagine if it was all of the above

Life for me hasn't been all roses and rainbows this year, it has been amazing because we have J, but we have had struggles in our marriage and it is easy at times to let the bad outway the good. I struggled with the staying home part of the stay-at-home-mom scenario this year, it is tough because after working for half of my life it was hard to not feel like I didn't matter because I wasn't bringing in any of my own money. 

But there is nothing greater than J, there is nothing better than choosing us, and there is nothing better than defeating the hate and moving forward. 

But there is nothing greater than J, there is nothing better than choosing us, there is nothing better than defeating the hate and moving forward. 

You can totally be negative Nancy [sorry if your name is Nancy], you can let all of the bad in life become you, you can also be that person that no one wants to be around, you can be the person who allows all that happens to you bring you down instead of bringing you up. Or you can put up everything that is on the floor and piece it back together, put on some lipstick and make you better despite all of the 💩 you have gone through. 

If you havent read my blog post on choices you definitely should. We can have it all, it all depends on how you look at life, what you let keep you down [notice I didn't say get you down] because you have to make the choice to get back up. 

Be thankful for the good and bad in life, because there could've been issues that we would've never got through in our marriage without despair. We aren't perfect and that is totally fine but I am thankful for all the issues we have gone through because i feel like it finally led us to be real with one another. Some days are harder and some days are easier it's life, but the choice of how you react, you get up is all yours. 

I am thankful for this year, I am thankful for the people in my life, I'm thankful for the people not in my life and I am so, so thankful for J. And I am thankful for all of the readers and friends I have because of this little blog here.