Being myself.

The Lavender Look: a soft spring inspired make up look
 “It’s a hell of a responsibility to be yourself. It’s much easier to be somebody else or nobody at all.” - Sylvia Plath
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I was scrolling through one of my under-utilized social medias and found this quote up there and it couldn't be more relevant to my life.   

I recently took these photos of a beauty look I was hoping to achieve and it totally went in the wrong direction, the light from the day faded and I didn't have the colors I needed to photograph the "look" I thought I wanted.  I got something much, much more though. 

This blogging thing has been pretty frustrating for me the past couple of years solely because I am refusing to sell myself short and do the entire loop bloggers, follow unfollow thing that all the bloggers do.

I also don't have a lot of support from people who already know me and sometimes I just get totally burnt out when trying to build my followers, but I don't just want people who tap, I want the conversation starters, the lovers and the genuine people that will actually get something from my content and live better lives.

Making a difference here is so much more important to me. 

If I make someone feel better, or love themselves more that makes me happier than a bunch of likes on a social media account. 

One day my husband told me why don't you just do it for fun and see where it goes, forget about earning money and at first it really pissed me off because I felt like he just didn't understand. Not bringing in an income after leaving my job was tough, I felt useless. 

But he was so right.  Please don't tell him I said this. Because he is wrong and I am always right.

I can't do what everyone else is doing and expect to stand out because I never will. I have to create something that is all me, all the time.  

Of course, I would love, love to at least pay for my makeup and clothing expenses with funds from this year blog because momma loves her some clothes & trying new make-up but what will be, will be.  Put it out in the world and it will happen right?  

Also shout out to @girrlscout for being one of those inspiring people I have followed for a while now, who made me feel like I could be me and that falling in love with myself was something that was needed not only wanted.

Make Up:
Shadow Palette Urban Decay - Beauty with an Edge
Eylure Eyelashes - Accents No 003
Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Definer
Maybelline Curvacious Black
Maybelline SuperStay MatteInk - Visionary 
Becca Cosmetics Champagne Pop Highlighter

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5 Simple Ways to Stay Positive

5 Simple Ways to Stay Positive
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1. Don't sweat the small stuff

Easier said than done I know but if you take a moment to take a breather even when things are INSANE, it can make a huge difference in your attitude/mood.

I can't tell you how many times, I was ready to lose my metaphorical shit but just gave myself a minute to think calmly about the situation or breath and I was able to just blow off whatever was bothering me or find a mentally better solution than the current. 

A couple of weeks ago I had an appointment, it wasn't a super important appointment but I had something scheduled.

Okay, I was going to Target with my SIL, it was important but not super important to be on-time. 

But that morning J, peed all over both of us which then meant we both had to take a bath.  Get breakfast and get dressed all under 30 minutes.  I normally give myself at least two hours of "getting ready" time for J and if I find time within those two hours to get make up on my face and my hair half resemble normal, we are lucky

That wasn't one of those days, but we were just going to Target and so I just let it go.  We made it to my SIL on time and the rest of the day was as much of a breeze as possible with J. [He isn't bad just really active since he started walking and it's either get out of the way, or run with him which left us both exhausted.]

2. Compliment Yourself

If no one else is going to do it, give yourself positive affirmations.  Have a quote ready every morning that makes you start the day off better than the last and remind you that we only have a limited time on this earth living it upset or in frustration doesn't make it enjoyable.

Being happy is just as easy as being mad.  There is a choice in the matter, so choose to be happy.  

3. Go out of your own way

I have been working my ass off on this blog and to say that I have been consistently posting for pretty much two months straight and have been able to get blog post pumped out, I am amazed. 

For the longest time I have had every. single. excuse in the book for why I haven't been as successful as most.  I mean I started doing this years ago before blogging was cool and before bloggers were the go-to influencers.  But I got in my own god damn way so I am still where I started 5 years ago, no where. 

This years motto is: progress over perfection and quality over quantity.


4. Eat Well

If you know me personally you definitely know that I get hangry and one thing I have learned is that I always need to make sure I have eaten.  But with a kid as most of you mom's know it is difficult to actually eat, so I have found ways to take last nights dinner to today's lunch.

I also know that drinking a lot of caffeine has a lot of bad effects on your body, today alone I found out that drinking caffeine during your lady week can cause an increase in cramping. 

So add more water to your diet especially before cycle week, it will also help with bloating and water retention which makes you look more pregnant than you actually are [referencing to my body not anyone else's].

I noticed that I drank more water when I finally found a tumbler with a straw, I found this one and I love it. I take it everywhere, ice water is my go-to and I know that there have been studies on this theory but increasing my water intake in general is what I am going for.  I do still have sweet tea but I try to cut it to one glass a day, everything else should be water. 

5. Sleep

I feel like sleep, water, and food are the three pillars of life, if you do all of these you are already on the right track to starting off in a positive way. 

I have noticed on the days that I don't get as much sleep I have the toughest day the next day. I do my best to handle situations as best as possible but things can seriously go left just because I didn't have a great night sleep or any sleep at all for that matter. Little ones aren't the greatest sleepers and I've learned the hard way that not putting your little one in their own bed or room is the wrong way to start this entire parent thing. Man I wish I put J in his crib from the start but emotions, Web MD, and SIDS got the best of this new mom. 

I know this isn't always possible because Adulting and all but if you don't get a great night sleep, do everyone a favor and set aside time to get in a nap.  

I recently found myself in not the greatest of moods because J's sleep has been disturbed for the past two nights but when he went down for a nap I did the same. I woke up feeling much better and was in a much better mood when handling J.  

Trust me as a mom we are the hardest on ourselves, we can be our worst critics and sometimes or all the time mostly it feels like the world rest on our shoulders but if I give you one piece of advice if you have the time, take the nap.

Thankful.

Giving Thanks, during Thanksgiving - Happy Thanksgiving | hello there, love. blog

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I wanted to get a post out there that really hits home on the thankful part of it all. 

Holidays are mostly all about the production of it all and we tend to forget about all the gratefulness and thankfulness we should "promote".  Especially after standing over a stove, or getting a family ready to go, or running to different family members house's to celebrate with everyone, then imagine if it was all of the above

Life for me hasn't been all roses and rainbows this year, it has been amazing because we have J, but we have had struggles in our marriage and it is easy at times to let the bad outway the good. I struggled with the staying home part of the stay-at-home-mom scenario this year, it is tough because after working for half of my life it was hard to not feel like I didn't matter because I wasn't bringing in any of my own money. 

But there is nothing greater than J, there is nothing better than choosing us, and there is nothing better than defeating the hate and moving forward. 

But there is nothing greater than J, there is nothing better than choosing us, there is nothing better than defeating the hate and moving forward. 

You can totally be negative Nancy [sorry if your name is Nancy], you can let all of the bad in life become you, you can also be that person that no one wants to be around, you can be the person who allows all that happens to you bring you down instead of bringing you up. Or you can put up everything that is on the floor and piece it back together, put on some lipstick and make you better despite all of the 💩 you have gone through. 

If you havent read my blog post on choices you definitely should. We can have it all, it all depends on how you look at life, what you let keep you down [notice I didn't say get you down] because you have to make the choice to get back up. 

Be thankful for the good and bad in life, because there could've been issues that we would've never got through in our marriage without despair. We aren't perfect and that is totally fine but I am thankful for all the issues we have gone through because i feel like it finally led us to be real with one another. Some days are harder and some days are easier it's life, but the choice of how you react, you get up is all yours. 

I am thankful for this year, I am thankful for the people in my life, I'm thankful for the people not in my life and I am so, so thankful for J. And I am thankful for all of the readers and friends I have because of this little blog here. 

The Truth | Transitioning to a #SAHM

Man I love this little guy so much, I even miss him during his occasional naps when they do happen.  

Transitioning to a Stay at Home Mom

J is a couple of months shy of his 1st birthday, and besides freaking out because I am behind on his party planning, transitioning into a stay at home mom has been much more difficult than I had imagined.  

Especially since some of the mom's I see on IG are all at coffee shops and having nights out on the town. Totally not happening for me, I do go to coffee shops but only by way of their drive-thru all while praying that J stays asleep and doesn't notice the car has stopped and nights out on the town are typically taking out the trash. 

My days consist of daily picking up, washing dishes, cooking dinner, and cleaning house. All of it on top of all of your responsibility of being a mom, taking care of your husband and making yourself look somewhat presentable to the world, while yes trying to lose the "baby weight" [another topic in itself].

For instance, today has been E bringing me breakfast [which is a rare occasion], washing dishes, eating ramen [not the gourmet kind, the kind that college students eat] for lunch, then get J fed and down for a nap, and in between all of that trying to find the time to blog plan and pay bills.

 The problem is E and I had never discussed the "roles" of the household, we just knew that since I wasn't working our entire income would have to come from him working, aka not being home a lot.  😕. So I highly suggest if you are going to make the transition get a plan together and have a sit down discussion about who expects what, etc.

In my case and I'm pretty sure most women/men in this position your spouse [my husband] is now the money-maker, bread-winner, etc., so the one income now lies on the shoulder of just your spouse.  It is pretty overwhelming, & I know exactly how it feels to be the only person in your house working and the burden on your shoulders.  

We have also taken responsibility for a business that my family has run since I was a baby so that is another added stress to us.  Plus taking care of a baby on top of all of that, and trying to make sure he is happy, healthy and everything you hope as a parent you are to him is difficult.

I mean if we are being honest going from not-a-parent, to being a parent is a difficult transition in itself and adding the above stresses to the mix makes it even harder

The past few months have been really hard for me/us, staying home with J is amazing I'm not missing any of his first, dealing with the dramas of the job or the long horrible drive to and from work. I mean I'm not complaining I just on the rare occasion miss being able to not have a child tugging on me or watching my every move and crying if he doesn't see me. 

This transition has been like starting a job in the mailroom of a company and having to work your way to the top and let's just say I am still stuck in the mailroom on most/all days. 

J is now mobile as in getting out of the shopping cart and grabbing on things so unless you want to brave taking out a mobile almost 10 month old or test your patience you spend a lot of time at  home. 

But I always miss him and can't wait to be back home, so the "escape" is never really worth it for me.  

However, the flip side of thing is you get to walk around without pants on for 90% of the day and if the unwelcomed solicitor comes and wants to knock on my door, they on occasion get me in PJ's.  Sorry, not sorry.

The moral of this story is don't be that ass who says "yeah, what does she do all day?" like I did before having one of my own because then you'll find yourself sitting on a couch with baby slobber on your face, and your hair in a mess and you will truly know what she does all day.

So be kind to the mom on the plane with the crying baby, the one juggling her child while opening a door, or the one who looks exceptionally tired because she may have just stayed up all night while her baby kicked her in the side all night. 

But most importantly be kind to one another, you know just in general.   

Stay at Home Mom Life | hello there, love.

3 : 18 : 17 | Marriage

3:18:17 | Marriage - hello there, love. blog
 

"Marry your best friend.  I do not say that lightly.  Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with.  Someone who speaks highly of you.  Someone you can laugh with.  The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort.  Wit is important.  Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them.  Make sure they are somebody who let's you cry too.  Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love and madness combine and course through you.  
A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep and dark. - unknown

 

Marriage isn't easy, it is very very hard.  It takes strength, passion, and perseverance.

It takes strength to get through the hard times, passion to keep it spicy, and perseverance to keep it alive. 

Marriage is something that cannot be confined into a box or be guided by some set of standards, even if some try. Marriage is something that takes a lot of work and patience.  It is the sacred, blessed merging of two souls into one. Against odds and even with favor it is a struggle. It is learning to forgive and forget. 

E and I will be married for 6 years tomorrow.  Time has flown and while I wish I could say that we are the most perfect couple in the world.  We have had our fair share of ups and downs.  As I look back and reflect about our marriage I can easily see times in all the years we have been together that our marriage could've been torn apart. But we stood by one another, and took those struggles and let it help us build our marriage instead of break it down. 

You see you can either stand by and watch something fall, you can hold something up or you can pick up the pieces once they have fell and start over again. It is all a choice, and we over the years have chose to do all of those.  We have fallen, we have held each other up, and we have picked up the pieces.  

And honestly it has made us better, together and individually. 

Over the years, we have blended more and more into one another.  I always tell E that I fit perfectly into him like we were made for one another and I truly believe we were.  Since E is a lot taller than I am, my head fits perfectly into his chest when we hug.  I literally fit into him.  

And now that we finally have our son [who is by far the best combination of each of us that I have ever seen], I know his birth has and will bring us closer together.

unsolicited, corny marriage advice: 

 

be with your best friend

be with someone you can live without you but choose not to.

be with someone who will love you even though you tell them to choose the restaurant but then say you don't want that.  

be with someone who will buy you flowers once in a while, because he knows you secretly want them even if you try to act like you aren't that girl.  

be with someone who makes you feel like every single love song is about you.

be with someone who tells you your losing your butt because you really are, and seriously need to do some squats. 

be with someone who calls you when you were just thinking about them.

be with someone who your parents ask for anytime they see you. because you aren't their only daughter for crying out loud. 

be with someone who cooks dinner and plates it pretty so you can take photos for the blog.  

be with someone who enjoys the Sonic commercials just as much as you do, maybe even more.

be with someone who wants to grow old with you.

be with someone who wants to make babies with you. 

be with someone who despite all of your flaws, still loves you regardless.

be with someone who makes going through the struggles of life a little easier because they are by your side. 

And finally be with someone who makes you, you.  Who corny as it sounds, "completes" you. 

eric b collins, you're my love song.