Self Love + Body Goals

hello there, loves!

2018 

It is officially 2018 and whilst I have been under the weather and so had J, the other day I had a moment where I stopped and looked at myself in the mirror and was kind of in a little bit of a shock/awe state. I was genuinely amazed at all my body has gone through and while I know it is less than most, and more than some it doesn't take away what it has accomplished. 

I have to put in kind of a disclaimer here, this year's body goals are simply to eat better, and live better than last year.  I am in no way shape or form going to put some ideal image in my head in hopes of being a thinner me, I simply want to enjoy the body I have by eating better when possible, and doing more with life in general. 

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I guess it's kind of inevitable to put up one of these post for the new year, and yeah I'll probably do the whole new year, new me thing but I wanted to put out there how exceptionally proud I am of my body. 

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Not only did it grow a baby, but it was sliced open to bring that beautiful, amazing, miracle of ours into this world and I don't think I have ever been so thankful of my body in it's state as it is today. I have the worst posture, I know. 

I stretched y'all my skin hung and looked gross for a while there and there were days I was like ugh, who wants to see this naked?  I had developed this bump of "skin" I guess from J sitting so low my entire pregnancy and I thought it would never go away. I didn't think I would look good in lingerie, or a bikini ever again. And maybe I don't but I am still going to rock the hell out of them.  

I struggled with self-confidence for all of my life, I hated being in front of the camera and I hated my smile [I still want braces], and I was never, ever the girl who got the guy [with the exception of E]. 

BODY GOALS

This year my body goal isn't to necessarily lose weight but to eat better as much as possible, to run more because it is my best stress reliever and I really do love it, and to just tone my body if I can. Plus can I get my booty back? I lost that thing mid pregnancy and haven't found it yet. 🤦🏽‍♀️

NOTE TO SELF:

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My one tip for myself and you as well is to do as much as you possibly can without making it too hard on yourself because once you start making this a job or something else to do on your list you will grow to hate it, and your goals will get tossed to the side and you'll be left as you were by March or sooner. My plan is to do better this year, I just know that there is a better me out there I just have to get rid of a lot of shit. 

CURRENTLY READING

I am also currently reading  "Get Your Shit Together" by Sarah Knight, I literally just started but I love it so far.  And while I am already feeling like I am going to accomplish great things this year. 

The Truth | Transitioning to a #SAHM

Man I love this little guy so much, I even miss him during his occasional naps when they do happen.  

Transitioning to a Stay at Home Mom

J is a couple of months shy of his 1st birthday, and besides freaking out because I am behind on his party planning, transitioning into a stay at home mom has been much more difficult than I had imagined.  

Especially since some of the mom's I see on IG are all at coffee shops and having nights out on the town. Totally not happening for me, I do go to coffee shops but only by way of their drive-thru all while praying that J stays asleep and doesn't notice the car has stopped and nights out on the town are typically taking out the trash. 

My days consist of daily picking up, washing dishes, cooking dinner, and cleaning house. All of it on top of all of your responsibility of being a mom, taking care of your husband and making yourself look somewhat presentable to the world, while yes trying to lose the "baby weight" [another topic in itself].

For instance, today has been E bringing me breakfast [which is a rare occasion], washing dishes, eating ramen [not the gourmet kind, the kind that college students eat] for lunch, then get J fed and down for a nap, and in between all of that trying to find the time to blog plan and pay bills.

 The problem is E and I had never discussed the "roles" of the household, we just knew that since I wasn't working our entire income would have to come from him working, aka not being home a lot.  😕. So I highly suggest if you are going to make the transition get a plan together and have a sit down discussion about who expects what, etc.

In my case and I'm pretty sure most women/men in this position your spouse [my husband] is now the money-maker, bread-winner, etc., so the one income now lies on the shoulder of just your spouse.  It is pretty overwhelming, & I know exactly how it feels to be the only person in your house working and the burden on your shoulders.  

We have also taken responsibility for a business that my family has run since I was a baby so that is another added stress to us.  Plus taking care of a baby on top of all of that, and trying to make sure he is happy, healthy and everything you hope as a parent you are to him is difficult.

I mean if we are being honest going from not-a-parent, to being a parent is a difficult transition in itself and adding the above stresses to the mix makes it even harder

The past few months have been really hard for me/us, staying home with J is amazing I'm not missing any of his first, dealing with the dramas of the job or the long horrible drive to and from work. I mean I'm not complaining I just on the rare occasion miss being able to not have a child tugging on me or watching my every move and crying if he doesn't see me. 

This transition has been like starting a job in the mailroom of a company and having to work your way to the top and let's just say I am still stuck in the mailroom on most/all days. 

J is now mobile as in getting out of the shopping cart and grabbing on things so unless you want to brave taking out a mobile almost 10 month old or test your patience you spend a lot of time at  home. 

But I always miss him and can't wait to be back home, so the "escape" is never really worth it for me.  

However, the flip side of thing is you get to walk around without pants on for 90% of the day and if the unwelcomed solicitor comes and wants to knock on my door, they on occasion get me in PJ's.  Sorry, not sorry.

The moral of this story is don't be that ass who says "yeah, what does she do all day?" like I did before having one of my own because then you'll find yourself sitting on a couch with baby slobber on your face, and your hair in a mess and you will truly know what she does all day.

So be kind to the mom on the plane with the crying baby, the one juggling her child while opening a door, or the one who looks exceptionally tired because she may have just stayed up all night while her baby kicked her in the side all night. 

But most importantly be kind to one another, you know just in general.   

Stay at Home Mom Life | hello there, love.

Letters to Jaxon : 01

J, this one's for you. 

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J, you are a special kind of kid, when God made us wait for you he knew exactly what he was doing.

He knew that you'd have that perfect smile, the best heart, and the presence of a little king. Hearts melt for you little one and you are so, so loved.

You are pretty amazing, you are our kind of perfect, and I am so entirely happy you are ours. 

Before you I always told myself I would create a place to write to you, to tell you as much as possible how much you mean to me in case I forget to tell you or you forget when I am gone. 

But it is hard to not always tell you how much I love you. It hard to not squeeze you tighter every day because you are growing too fast and my heart can't handle it.  

I knew once you arrived my heart would forget all those times when we struggled for you, it would forget how much it broke when the test once again said negative, it would forget about all the medicines and how they made me feel, it would forget all the times I cried for you.  It would forget all the hard times your dad and I went through before you. 

Because now all the tears are happy ones and life is what I would call perfect with you.

I want you to know that if there were anything great I've ever done with my life, it was creating you. 

I want you to know that seeing you grow and the new things you do on a daily make me sad because I know you won't be little forever.  And because time flies so quickly, I feel like I'll miss it all if I don't put it down. 

I wanted to tell you that you are my favorite person to dance with and it scares the hell out of me to even think that one day we will be dancing at your wedding [hopefully to a girl I actually approve of, doubtful there'll ever be a girl]. I know it's so far in the future but it breaks my heart some days to see you grow so fast and know that the days and years will pass and I'll look back on this post and read these words of truth. 

If you were to be my only child I have to tell you that you are by far the best I could've ever asked for, whoever comes after you definitely has some big shoes to fill and I can only hope for another as amazing as you. 

I want you to know that you are very special to me and I am so grateful to God every day that you are here. I know I lived life without you for 29 years and I am not sure how I did it. But it did help me to know what good and great are, and you my love are good and great

I love you so, so much my little pumpkin pie.  Please stop growing so fast so this momma can stop crying every time she sees you do something new. It took me forever to write this post because you are moving all over the place and it is really hard to write through tears. 

I love you more and more each day. I love your smiles and head butts in the morning when you try to lay your head next to mine.

Happy 7 months, my wild one.  

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Am I crazy?

I was just browsing through a mommy online community and these ladies are pregnant already after having babies around the same time as J, like within days of J.

My initial thoughts were "Nah I'm good. Buh-bye. WTF." You know things a sane person would say. I am not sane in any which leads me to my next thought. I immediately thought hell no, but soon after was like well I kinda wouldn't mind being in the same boat as these ladies.

Kids are tough and managing two would be difficult and life changing to say the least but honestly it took so long to have J, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to have another even if it would be soon after J.

Life changes so much when you go from no kids in your house to a permanent little person crawling around.  It is a different rodeo than when I would watch my nieces and nephews and give them back at some point, when they are yours, they are yours. No take backs. 

We have discussed it and while having a baby amongst us is tough, we aren't doing anything to stop another one from entering the mix.  If I know anything from the journey we went through to have J, I know that God definitely has a plan for us.  J is definitely a part of some well thought out plan that would only come from up above. 

So am I crazy for not minding if I get knocked up so soon after baby #1? 

This adorable-ness is why we definitely want at least one more, if I don't go crazy first. 

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